There are so many resources for you to do this. Talk about your child, share his or her story, you will be amazed at how many people silently grieve for their own loss and are just waiting for an opportunity to…. I had a son on June 1, , Andy Maximillion. He was 1 pound and 12 inches long, he was perfect. My advice for others is please talk about your baby, say his name often.
People are often afraid or nervous to talk about a baby that should be here but isn't. Don't feel guilty, don't place blame or get angry with your other half. Remember he lost his baby, too.
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Cry, don't be afraid to hold in your emotions. Don't let anyone tell you when you should be done grieving. As much as they care they didn't lose a baby we did. Don't be afraid to try again. If you do try again you will never be emotionally…. We faced stillbirth twice, losing one of our daughters on her due date and our son at 36 weeks, both during early labor, each to a different type of cord accident. Neither training as a therapist nor losing my parents years before prepared me for this very different grief that jars your soul.
The advice I treasured most was a simple "Hold on. One way to hold on is to find others who know this loss. There are sadly too many of us, and online support is a godsend in this overwhelmingly lonely loss. We want no one to have to join our groups, yet…. Our son Luke was stillborn at 40 weeks. I had had a perfectly healthy pregnancy and was in the hospital overnight, waiting to be induced in the morning. He died while I slept. I had tremendous guilt; what kind of a mother sleeps through her baby's death?
Luke had the bluest eyes of any human being I've ever seen; but I only know that because I manually opened his eyes. I've worked very hard to build a life for myself, my husband, and Luke's little brother, Zac; but every day I am reminded that someone is missing. Zac doesn't know about Luke yet, but he wants a big brother. My daughter would have been 13 this June and turned a teenager.
I know the pain and sorrow in the journey she, and her family, must unfortunately face. However, with confidence I can promise opportunities for gratefulness and light through the darkness, with better days heads. As I reflect back on my journey I am grateful to the doctor who cried while delivering the baby and would not go home until he knew I was O. When they couldn't find the heartbeat at my final 40 week check-up, the nurse's face gave it away first. She looked at me and said, "Your baby is gone. My father started bawling on the phone. The doctor O. Thank god my mother came and held my hand because I believe that was the longest four hours of my life.
When they told me it was time to hold him, I refused. I also refused all photos. The social workers, staff all came in to try and convince me otherwise. They told me it would be…. I was thrilled to become pregnant with my first child in March A story I've read from too many other women was also mine.
I still didn't believe it until I went to the hospital and they turned on the monitor and there was nothing. I wanted to leave my body. Anything to avoid hearing the doctor say "There is no heartbeat. The medical staff were incredible throughout the delivery and my recovery.
My daughter was born at 25 weeks because she had a fatal lung malformation. What I would say to others is this: In the tapestry of your life, this loss will be the only picture you see for a long time. Eventually this picture will be just one of many in the tapestry.
Allow yourself to grieve in your own way, and understand that you and your partner will grieve differently and on different time spans. Take time for yourself and spend time together. Don't chide yourself or your partner about your grieving. There will be good days and bad days. It helped me to think of being on a long road that I had to follow to its end. My son was stillborn 30 years ago at St.
Vincent's Hospital in Manhattan. Even then -- and certainly now -- women with access to modern health care expect to have healthy babies when and how they wish.
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I was no different. A couple enters that delivery room trusting that the mother's and the baby's body will each do what it's supposed to do. If the mother eats right, doesn't smoke or drink alcohol, stays in good physical condition, learns Lamaze breathing, and is coached and supported through childbirth, the prize at the end is a perfect baby. Three days later, I went into labor and was 8 cm when I arrived to the hospital. Then, numerous alarms sounded that still ring in my ears today. When the doctor told me she died, I had to dig so deep to deliver her. The only thing that got me through was the hope that they made a terrible mistake and that I would be holding my living baby very soon.
It took 38 minutes for my whole world to crumble -- to have all my hopes and…. I've started to write then stopped several times.
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I've had three late-term losses after a perfect pregnancy. One at 22 weeks, one at 15 weeks, and my final at 20 weeks. You can call me a sort of an sad expert on late-term loss but I have no words of wisdom. Because I had already had one healthy textbook pregnancy, the first loss came as a complete shock. I thought that because I had my perfect pregnancy once, I'd be in the clear -- that my body knew "how to grow a baby.
My family is incomplete. Doctors don't understand your pain. Friends and family don't understand your pain -- especially when you already have a…. Unspeakable sadness for many reasons -- because stillbirth is one of the saddest and most profound forms of grief, and unspeakable because it is so very hard to discuss.
The juxtaposition of grief and babies is awful. Finding space for this pain and grief at a time which was geared toward great delight and happiness is almost impossible.
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I remember thinking it was like hurtling towards a fantastic jump from a great height -- only to slam into a very hard wall. So it's understandable that many around you struggle to cope with the emotion. We lost our son, Owen Matthew, at 36 weeks due to an unknown cause. His twin brother survived and is now a healthy toddler.
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We truly feel that Owen fought for as long as he could so his brother could continue to grow and be healthy. What a warrior our son was. I would tell others facing this situation, that whatever feelings you are experiencing It is O. When the doctor told us our daughter's heart had stopped beating at 40 weeks and three days, I felt like I flew off the face of the earth. I didn't feel like a part of the world anymore, I felt like my husband and I were alone, different, isolated.
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I had no idea so many families had gone through what we did. Find those people. In a local support group, among friends, online, they are out there. These are the people who will say your child's name, remember birthdays, not judge you when cry over a friend's pregnancy announcement and be as furious as you are over the ridiculous, hurtful things people say to you. I went into labor on Friday, Nov. I was almost 37 weeks pregnant. When my husband and I arrived at the hospital, the nurses were unable to find a heartbeat.
I delivered our son, Kenneth, at a.